I've had a weekend of mixed emotions.

On one hand I had an amazing time. On the other hand, I didn't get to see fireworks (figuratively and actually). I guess I was hoping to find some direction but like always God teaches me that I can't go looking for what I want or think I want. I feel like I could be possibly hanging on to something that isn't there. And maybe that's all it is. A bunch of wrong turns. But really. This weekend brought me back to high school. At times, I wanted to throw punches and at other times all I wanted to do was laugh at myself. Laugh at myself for becoming no better then the enemy. I wanted to laugh at myself because I have managed to mix myself up in every way possible as much as I could with almost everything.

I was speaking with my BFF this weekend and she made me realize what an attention whore I can be. So the question is, when is it not about that? When does it becomes something real? When do you remove yourself from a situation that makes you feel like 8th grade? Or do you play the game? Play with people's emotions till what you want happens?

Please don't ask me what the hell all of this is about. It's a number of things. It's from the drama of my Fort Collins friends to complicatedness of old friendships.
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Aside from my "deep thoughts:"
I have honestly come to the point where I need to get my ass back into shape. It has become one of the hardest things to do since I moved. But it's really important. And for some reason I am so unmotivated. There's no excuse for any of it. I'm setting a goal for all of you to know about and ask me about. I have 5 weeks so seriously get out of my hole of being lazy. No excuses. No mercy.
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It's already Tuesday. And it feels like Sunday. I'm glad there won't be rain on Monday.