How is your life summed up in a timeline

Facebook.  I have such a love hate relationship with it.  If you know me, more hate than love.  Today I got prompted to update my profile with some timeline thing.  I mean I knew about this but really never took the time to make the change.  So I clicked yes and updated the cover photo.  The sad part is, that's all I understood how to do.  I mean why does my timeline look different then others?  Why did I just get offered today to update my profile?  Also, why are you calling it timeline Facebook.  It's just a different way to organize the same shit.  Oh and make yourself look cooler cause you have a COVER now.  WTF.  I mean, I did it.  Don't get me wrong.  And I might look at the "news feed" for entertainment daily.  But I still hate it.  I hate it because people tell their 500 friends the dumbest information.  Like "OMG, there was a lot of drunk people downtown yesterday!" Well no shit, it was St. Patrick's Day.  Really?  You think you have to tell Facebook that?  I am a hypocrite to a degree.  I am on Twitter.  But guess what, like three people that know me follow me there.  And I don't say shit that everyone already knows.  "The sky is blue."  "I'm taking a shower."  "OMG that shower was awesome."  Give me an ffin break!  Ok so this is my soapbox if you are still reading.  I love my Facebook soapbox.  Just ask my BFF.  She hates when I go on my rant.  Sadly, I know she halfway agrees with me.  Morale of the story is, I still hate it, it's still stupid and I still read.  Can someone please teach me how to update the ffin timeline to look cooler!?  That is what Facebook is about right?  Looking cool to those you don't care about?