So today I found out my brothers are going to California at the end of the week. I think it's great but I can't help but be jealous due to the fact I have five finals this week. And of course my best friend will be done tomorrow afternoon with her finals.
Tonight I came to the realization that I'm screwed when it comes to academics this semester. I mean don't get my wrong I have tried to make an attempt to improve my situation that came of from the semester but it hasn't worked out. I don't know what my deal has been but I can't wait to be done. I think my problem is that I already feel like I am done, or I should say my mind has already checked out. Where do you get motivation when no motivation exists? Maybe that's an easy question to answer but I sure can't figure it out.
I spent this afternoon in my summer apartment, cleaning and such. I accomplished absolutely no studying like I had gone there to do. So it comes down to it that I'm screwed. I mean I have sat down and really tried to study and have studied for a small period of time but then I stop and I think of how much I hate this. After this thought, I manage to shift my thoughts to something more interesting but of course less productive.
What surprises me a lot about this whole situation is that my grades are a big deal to me whether it seems like they are or not. And what surprises me (even more) along with that thought is that I know I will beat myself up about this after all is said and done. That's my MO. I don't need anyone else in my life to tell me what I need to get done because I'm hard enough on myself for five people.
So there you go. I will attempt to study some more tonight. I've decided to not work very much at all this week in hopes to use my time efficiently to study.
Here's my goal. Tomorrow, I am hardcore till Friday. Tomorrow, I will wake up at hum... 9:30am. I will get ready and I will freaking study till lunch. Then at 1PM I will study and then at 3:30 I will go to a study session and yadayadayadayada. Wish my luck cause all this fun studying is going to last till FRIDAY.
After 11:10AM on Friday, I am free from school. After 5:00PM on Saturday, I am free from residence life.
Here we go.