Honestly, I have put off writing lately due to everything that has happened this weekend. I posted a blog on Saturday for like 2 hours and realized I wasn't proving anything so I deleted it. So I'm here now. I'm here sifting through my thoughts of the weekend. I cry cause the weekend is over. But at the same time I'm happy its over and done with. I cry cause I hoped to come home to my roommate I haven't seen in 4 days but no such luck. I don't blame her. I'm not much company lately any ways.

Enough crying. This weekend was one of those weekends I loved and hated. I really don't feel like explaining why either. But I do know. I feel like I act like a 16 year old sometimes. I'm so selfish and immature, it's ridiculous. I love getting my way, whether I admit it or not. I love fighting about things I know I can win or I think I can. But it's exhausting. As it should be. But the reality is, I spend so much time trying to do things my way, I miss out on what I should be paying attention to. You might be wondering what the hell I'm talking about, but I'm not sure. When I started typing this is just what came out. So yeah. Do me a favor. Contemplate what the hell I'm talking about it and make sense of it. I encourage your thoughts because my thoughts are distorted. So in conclusion, I've determined I'm sad for people lieing to me lately, I'm happy for my friends like Amanda and Brett, and I'm stressed for the week to come. I'm exhausted because I do too much. But I know what my problem is. I want all the control. For instance, my group projects. Who does most of the work? Yeah, it's me. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Cause I get my shit done and I get good grades. However, what does that matter? Just school. JUST my education. My relationships with everyone are more important. I am making no sense. Geez. This is what a long day and horrid OfficeMax will do to you. But you know what's weird? As much I as hate working at OfficeMax, I secretly like it a little. I like most of the people I work with I guess I just want to make my mark. See I always am perceived as a good worker and such. But here, no one reinforces my behavior (a select couple are nice) or acts like I do shit. I try. I'm trying. And the reality is, it doesn't even matter, I'M A STUPID CASHIER! Wow. I'm crazy. Ok, another none interesting blog about my life. Just reminds all of you, why the hell are you friends with me? It's pity, isn't it! Don't lie. Ok, I should stop. I will laugh at this tomorrow and probably delete it!

All the sudden I love this song. I reminds me of being 13. Clueless on life and clueless on myself others for that matter. However, it applies to some of my close friends.

"You were everything, everything that I wanted... we were meant to be, supposed to be but we lost it. All the memories so close to me just fade away... all this time you were pretending... so much for my happy ending."