More often then not I write when my emotions are all stirred up. Tonight is one of those nights. But on a positive note, Justin, thank you so much for listening and being there for me. You are truly one of my angels.

Tonight I find myself lost yet again. I've determined certain things still aren't ok with me. I can usually tell when I'm overreacting and right now is DEFINITELY one of those times. I have a lump in my stomach because things aren't right. I did some remembering of the past year today and cried some. A lot happened to me last year and I can't believe I'm here still thinking about it.

I was talking to a friend of mine tonight and I mentioned I would be making Polish food soon. I told her I learned from my Grandma and that this year I would be the only one to make the Polish food. My Grandma passed away in April. I'm depressed I can't spend Christmas with her. It will be the first Christmas in 21 years I can't see her. (I'm sorry Mom, I don't mean to make you cry). But I'm upset. And what's worse is, I'm completely stressed out and one little comment has sent me over the edge. You know how everything just boils up to that one instance and then BOOM. The shit hits the fan.

I know I will be okay. This is one day that will be gone tomorrow. This is one day that will help determine how I act tomorrow. I know I'm blowing all of "this" out of proportion (being stressed, stupid things, etc.) but I can't help it. I can't help that I need to cope with it somehow.

So I have. Justin saved my life tonight. He listened like no one has ever listened. He told me straight up the truth and reminded me to be realistic. Thank you Justin for helping me more than you will ever know.

Good night blog. It's time to study at yes, 1AM.