I guess when it rains it pours. I am shocked and saddened as to what has just happened to me. I suppose I could feel regret, anger, pain, the list goes on. I suppose I could try and understand how this relates to me and why I deserved it. But the truth is, none of us deserve anything bad that happens in our lives no matter what we've all been through. It's honestly all just apart of life. Taking the good with the bad. One of my favorite quotes in "A Walk to Remember" is "if there was no suffering, there would be no compassion." My life could be ten times worse. My life could be a thousand times worse. I need to count my blessings. One of my friends once told me "God brings people into our lives for specific reasons and God takes them out for specific reasons." As humbling and tragic is, that is it's the truth. Because to sit here and wonder what went wrong, what could have been done differently and so on is a waste of time in God's eyes. It's done. And my time isn't there yet. Will it be ever? It's hard to say but God doesn't want me to lose hope. And I don't want to. It was short lived and fun while it lasted. What more can I ask for. I just have to remember that the grey will pass, the clouds will disappear... and "when I close my eyes I am at the center of the sun."