My feet are cold and it is after 2 am.

So I will start with this may be a bad idea.  I should not be updating at this time in the night on the off chance I may say something really stupid.  But here it goes... 

The one thing I've been able to be successful at above all, I have now put in jeopardy.  I thought I could do what I should and now I'm not sure that is the case.  I have caused those that believe in me to question me and assume the worst.  I guess I should play the cards I have been dealt (or dealt myself).  I guess I should own up to the decisions I have made because when you hit my age there is no longer an excuse.  If I were to have an excuse, my excuse would be that I should be able to do anything.  My excuse is that if I believe in myself, it doesn't matter what my barriers are, I can do it.  But, maybe I can't.  Maybe, my hope will never come true.  But then possibly, a week from now I won't lose sleep on the things that have occured.  Maybe a week from now, I'll look forward to my vacation and wonder how that new color for my home office will look.  On a side note, for the record, I'm only painting my office cause I had some ridiculous dream about it. 

But let me get to the purpose of why I'm here.  I need your help.  I need you to pray to whoever you think makes a difference in your life and ask them to help me.  I need help to get through this time.  I need help to get through this time when I have overestimated the person, the woman, I thought I was and/or am.  I need some higher being, or God, or whatever you believe in, to help me through this tough time.  I thought it was hard to live with a broken heart.  I would rather live with a broken heart then what I may have broke at this point.  Love will come back to me when it's right.

Forgive me for making the selfish decision I did.  Forgive me for being childish.  Forgive me for thinking about right now in hopes for tomorrow.  In hope, for me.  Forgive me for being so ridiculous.  But that look doesn't lie, even if all it is, is for a second.  It doesn't lie and I will welcome that stomach jump feel for I haven't that in so long.  Look at me and make me smile.  It doesn't take much.

Pray for me.