Wednesday, January 16, 2013

An insight can drive you mad

Today, I experience a few "insights." In talking about my future, I realized that I really don't have it all together as much as I thought.  I really don't know exactly what I want.  That's frustrating for a person who thrives on "having it together."  I had a helpful discussion that lead me to believe that I don't necessarily need to come up with the solution on my own.  I hope by this time next week I'll have a better idea.  I just want to be successful, challenged. 

The other insight was around my finances.  I had the realization today that in the midst of all the drama that had occurred in my life late last year, I started spending out of control.  Like what?  God I don't even know, cause I was doing it without a lot of care.  I brought clothes (which I love to do), lots and lots of shoes, ate out a lot I guess and bought a vacation with no planning to Australia and New Zealand.  I knew I was spending poorly but what I didn't figure out until today was I was using shopping as a stress relief or plainly forget about the drama.  That is some scary shit!  What the hell am I doing?  Not okay.  I mean I had fun but I'll be 30 this year so it's time to get myself in order.  I mean have fun on a budget and maybe plan a little more accordingly for my large international vacations. 

I'm now a little hyper sensitive... like where am I going and if I don't know, at least save some money and prepare to not work forever. 

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