I am officially tired of life. Yes it has happened again. Right now it's about 12:45 AM and I'm at my friend's Amanda's because I can't go to the apartment I'm paying for. I have now become the irrate person I should have been a couple days ago. I tried to be as reasonable as possible but I can't anymore. Things are boiling to the top now and the pot is overflowing. Carpet is being put in my apartment as I type and the ONE person who is doing it tonight has been doing it for about four hours now. I have work at 7AM. I cry, I mean I cry myself to sleep. OH WAIT. I DON'T SLEEP. Why? Maybe because I have nowhere to sleep. I have decided tomorrow I'm calling my landlord and demanding something. If not to receive anything but just for the sake of giving them what they deserve. I don't know what to do. I didn't want to tell him to leave because what if I never get carpet. And on top of alll this wonderfulness, I have a major meeting with someone important for a job tomorrow and then Friday I have these serious interviews. I'm at my biorhythm low as one of my friend's would say. I'm past overload and I can't seem to function anymore. I have so much on my mind it's stupid. And you know what erks me even more? I have everything in the world. But still life has to be hard. I don't understand. Maybe that's what people like me who are lucky to have what I have, do. Maybe that's what they do. We generate other things in our life to make life hard. I don't have a clue what it is.
So Mervyn's is coming to a close and fast. Like I said tomorrow I work at 7AM and I meet with my District Manager. We will personally talk about what I have accomplished over the summer. Want to know something even better? One of the people I work with decided he was going to change just about everything I did... TODAY. SO tomorrow, when I speak with her, I have NOTHING to show for myself. How depressing, all that hard work down the drain. SOOOO I'm left to wonder what the hell am I doing and is it really what's right for me? I care too much about my future that it drains me of life in the present. I am looking for the hope I always write about. The one person I find this hope in is my mother. But she is someone who needs me more than I need her right now. How do I put aside my selfish lifestyle to be there for her?
The past couple nights I have had some distrubing dreams. The first was about my Grandma. I was sobbing because of her passing. I was unconsolable. The next dream I had was about me getting married. I was sobbing again. But it was because nothing was going right. I was unconsolable. And these past couple nights I feel like I haven't sleep but an hour. What a horrible time for all this to occur. I guess some would say it's ironic.
Thanks for all the comments to the blog. I like to know people are reading despite more poor taste on life right now. All I want to do is go to Denver and spend time with my family. I would rather be pestered by my dad then think about this crap up here. It's late... and I'm sick to my stomach. It would only be fitting that I be. I'm disguested at life. SOOO hopefully when I go home tonight (or should I say this morning) carpet will be in the apartment. Hopefully those workers will be gone and hopefully I can manage a couple hours of sleep. Because if not? I might really go crazy and no one wants that. Ok so I'm done. A really negative blog for a really upset girl. GRRR!