I'm an insomniac and I can't turn left.

OK, I'm not an insomniac but a couple late nights are completely ruining my days (as well as the SNOW EVERY WEEK). It's amazing how I can go from falling asleep at 7:30PM to it being after midnight and wide awake. It's like you decide changes that happen in your life are good but your body remembers to react even though the mind thinks everything is OK. I have had a kink in my neck for two days now and tonight it feels like it's gotten worse. There are some major changes going around at work. I think definitely for the better but they are scary. Work is important to me so I just want everything to be OK. (Who doesn't right?).

On a soap box note: Do you ever get jealous of people hanging out without you? Except here is the kicker, you really don't want to hang out with them anyways. It's like you just wanted them to ask so you could turn them down. That's absolutely awful and selfish but I'm not going to lie I feel this way sometimes. And maybe it just comes down to "just wanting to be asked." Where did everyone get in a habit of asking people things they either didn't want to hear the response to or asking people to go places they don't want them to go. Cause we all do this... Hi, how are you... la la la fine and you... oh we all are going to dinner... want to come... okay maybe another time. I think it's like a bad habit we got into that does no one good. It's like the person that doesn't get asked is upset and the person not doing the asking feels guilty even though they don't want them to go. And honestly, it's usually not personal, like we make it. I think I'm rambling. I think it's just funny how we all develop these things we expect. How we all develop these "habits" of doing things we don't want to do out of being poliet or just out of wanting to be liked. And for what. It's like all a game of justifying our own egos?

Anyways. I'm having trouble sleeping so I'm rambling on about nonsense. I suppose I felt inspired. From what? I have no idea. I suppose I wish I was content with change. But who is? Even if it's good change. How can you go through change without aniexty?

FYI 4 ibupro will not take way neck pain. I guess I should just let it go that I can't turn left and go back to hot... then cold... then hot, etc. Hahaha.